Missing Tourist May Have Been Eaten by Cannibals, Or Not

Following the discovery of charred human remains beside a campfire in French Polynesia, European rumormongers fretted that Stefan Ramin—a German tourist who went missing while vacationing on the island of Nuku Hiva—had been eaten by cannibals.

"Hacked to pieces and burned," reported the Daily Mail. "Attacked and eaten," wrote the Telegraph.

But Sky News says the cannibalism rumors are false, according to "police." (Which police? When? Why is this report so ambiguous?) In the meantime, the human remains have been sent to Paris for analysis. The material is believed to contain bones, a jaw, teeth, and "melted metal believed to be fillings."

Authorities continue to hunt for Ramin's guide, Henri Haiti, the last man believed to have seen him alive. Ramin, age 40, was on a round-the-world sailing adventure with his girlfriend, who tells police that Haiti tied her to a tree and sexually assaulted her after Ramin disappeared during a "goat hunting trip."

[Telegraph, Daily Mail, Sky News, Australian/image via Stefan Ramin's Picasa]

McDonald's Beating Victim May Have Permanent Brain Damage

The thing is, she doesn't know if she has it or not. Kazing! No, just kidding. In all seriousness, Denise Darbeau, the woman seen being beaten by a McDonald's employee in the West Village, may have permanent brain damage, according to her mother. She's still hospitalized and suffers from memory loss. Doctors say her prognosis is still unclear.

The Cat Came Back, Twice

SALT LAKE CITY -- Andrea the cat has used at least two of her nine lives.

The stray black-and-white kitty survived two euthanasia attempts by a Salt Lake City shelter and is now being looked after by a volunteer until she is adopted, reports the Salt Lake Tribune.

"She's pretty tough, obviously," Janita Coombs, a volunteer with the Community Animal Welfare Society, told the newspaper. Andrea was transported to a West Valley City animal shelter as a stray, but was scheduled for euthanization, as no one adopted the animal for a month, city spokesman Aaron Crim said. Initially, the cat was found alive in the shelter's carbon monoxide gas chamber. Staff put the cat in for a second time and, when she was thought to be dead, placed her in a bag in a cooler along with several other deceased felines.

"There were no vitals, and for whatever reason as time went on the cat came back to life," said Crim. Coombs then stepped in to care for Andrea, who is healthy, until she finds a permanent home.

Video: Occupy Wall Street Gets Its First Marriage Proposal

Single twenty-somethings have found the occupied Zuccotti Park a prime spot to cruise for love. But couples are bringing the romance too: Here a guy uses the protest's hallmark "people's microphone" to propose to his girlfriend. Awww. The couple that gets pepper-sprayed together, stays together.

[via Gothamist]

Weekend Box Office: Dancing Teens Slain by Robots

Though they had spirit and moxie and other youthful energies on their side, the kids of Footloose proved no match for Real Steel's battle bots in the box office arena. RIP, Ren.

1) Real Steel — $16.3M
Robutts! Who knew that America had such a love affair with robutts. What most people should view as mechanical monsters hellbent on strangling them with their automaton claws are instead viewed as charming battle friends that are good for the whole family. It's a very strange thing, this love of machine people. Or maybe that's not why families are going to see this movie. Maybe if you went to a movie theater and approached a family and said to their son, "Hello little boy, why do you want to see Real Steel this weekend?" He would reply, "Why for Hugh Jackman of course! He was so funny in Kate & Leopold and so dark in The Prestige, and I'm hoping this performance will be a combination of those two things." Perhaps that's what that little boy would say! Perhaps Hugh Jackman is the real draw, and not those terrifying metal beasts. I'd like to believe that about Americans. That we still know who our enemies are, as we once did.

2) Footloose — $16.1M
So, OK, this didn't actually get creamed by Real Steel at all, but it was still a buzzed-about debut that failed to beat the family robot movie in its second week. Basically this is did about as well as just another dance movie rather than being the teen sensation of the weekend folks were hoping it would be. I guess that's the peril of your biggest star being Dennis Quaid. I mean, people like Dennis Quaid, but I'm not sure he's hanging in any girls' lockers anymore. (Was he ever?) I wonder if this would have done better with Zac Efron, as was originally planned. I mean, we all know it would have done worse with Chace Crawford, who replaced Efron. Oh god, can you imagine Chace Crawford in this movie? I kind of hope the DVD has his screen tests and stuff. "What? You can't dance here? You have got to be kidding me. He shakes his head in disbelief." "No, Chace, no, you don't read the stage directions." "Got it. Moving on. Daddy, I'm not a little girl anymore." "Chace, no, nope, you only read the Ren parts, not the Ariel parts." "But I like the Ariel parts. Can I wear red boots too? I want to wear red boots." "Oh great, he's gonna be on about this for the rest of the afternoon. Someone call Penn and have him come pick him up." By the way, I did not watch the movie.

3) The Thing — $8.7M
It looks like mostly the girlfriends won the movie war this weekend, as about only half as many boyfriends got their way and went to see The Thing this weekend as got dragged to the dance movie. But those that did get to see this horror "prequel" were lucky enough to be able to make hilarious "Thing" jokes in the car on the way home ("Want to see my Thing," etc), just ha ha just kidding around, but secretly desperately hoping she'd play along and be fun and sexy just this one time. But no, instead she said "Stop it, you're gross," and turned to look out the window at all the other cars going by and he sighed and turned the radio on and "All Out of Love" was playing and the new October chill seemed to seep in through the air vents.

9) The Big Year — $3.3M
Yikes. Though opening in far fewer screens than this week's other wide releases, and suffering from a complete lack of an advertising campaign, this movie still did a lot worse than I thought it would. I mean, I knew it would do badly, it's a rare event that a bird watching comedy does anything but terribly, but oof. Jack Black has not had a good run of it lately, nor has Owen Wilson (except for Midnight in Paris). I keep saying, if only they'd released this movie like seven years ago, they'd probably be in business. But alas it is 2011 and those heady early aughts days are long gone, dried up and blown away like leaves from the trees. Sigh.

20) The Skin I Live In — $231K
With a whopping $38k per screen, this new Pedro Almodóvar movie has probably already been a better success for Antonio Banderas than the last six Melanie Griffith projects combined. I credit the bizarrely mesmerizing music in the trailer for piquing people's interest so. That weird music was in my head all weekend for some reason. It probably signals some descent into Spanish madness, but who can really be sure. Now if you'll excuse me I've got experiments to go do. Found a new hobby!

Singh Beocmes Oldest Runner To Cross Finish Line

With a finish time of eight hours and 25 minutes, 100-year-old Indian-born Brit Fauja Singh completed yesterday’s Toronto Waterfront marathon to become the oldest person ever to run a full marathon.

Singh was nearly forced to quit at the 35 kilometer mark, but pushed through the pain, and eventually bested his own personal goal. More remarkable still, Singh took up running only 20 years ago, and has been running some 16 kilometers every day since. I guess it’s true what they say: You’re only as old as you run.

Watch Singh cross the finish line below:

[CTV/Image: The Star/video: dpaf]

Officials Conduct a Strip Search For Missing Scrabble Letter

Scandal at the World Scrabble Championships in Warsaw: English contestant Ed Martin was accused by his opponent, Chollapat Itthi-Aree, of concealing the letter “G” on his person, and demanded officials conduct a strip-search to determine the truth.

The Thai scrabbler’s demands were rejected, and Martin went on to win the match.

If he had in fact cheated, however, it didn’t matter much in the long-run: Kiwi Nigel Richards took home the £12,700 prize, scoring 95 points with “omnified.” His acceptance speech consisted of a single word: “Nice.”

[Telegraph/Image: xkcd]

Video: How A Musician Quits His Day Job

This hotel staffer went out with a bang — and a horns section, and some cheerleaders. The Providence, R.I., employee, known only as “Joey,” enlisted members of the What Cheer? Brigade to give himself a musical send-off when he handed in his notice. His boss did not seem amused.

Tim Hortons To Add Beef Lasagna Casserole To Its Menu ‎

OAKVILLE, ONT. — Tim Hortons is making room beside coffee, doughnuts and sandwiches on its menu for lasagna.

The restaurant chain says it will unveil the new pasta to-go option with a beef lasagna casserole bowl starting Monday. The move comes as Tim Hortons broadens its lunch menu in an attempt to keep customers from choosing competitors. McDonald’s has recently begun serving a broad selection of coffees alongside its regular menu while Starbucks offers an array of sandwiches and lunch packs. Tim Hortons says the new product is intended to complement its hot soups and chili.

Woman Accused of Attacking Her Husband With Cupcakes

In terms of messiness, domestic disruption, and—perhaps most remarkably—the involvement of a woman named Dawn, a Chicago wife has been arrested for hurling cupcakes at her husband during an argument. How sweet it isn't! ("It" being a difficult-sounding marriage.)

On three past visits to the home of Dawn and Arturo Montesdeoca, police have arrested Arturo for domestic battery or battery charges, reports the Chicago Tribune. This time around, however, Dawn was the alleged batterer—in two ways:

The fight started with a verbal quarrel about 7:45 p.m. at the home in the 4700 block of South Western Avenue, according to a police report, but escalated until the woman started hitting her husband over the head.

After that, she reached for the box of desserts and directed a fusillade of snack cakes at his head and body, her husband told police. Several of the confections apparently hit their mark, as the man's head and shirt were smudged with icing when officers arrived, according to a police report.

Arturo reportedly told police officers that he was "in fear" of his wife and asked them to arrest her. Dawn allegedly admitted to the attack, so the cops hauled her away. She faces a misdemeanor count of domestic battery and also has to submit to electronic monitoring, because ... the authorities are afraid she'll begin breaking into bakeries and start throwing desserts at people? How do you electronically monitor a person's cupcake hurling habits? Do. Not. Understand.

[Chicago Tribune, Sun-Times. Image via Shutterstock]

World's Population to Reach Seven Billion by Halloween

That's the UN Population Fund's latest global population projection, which confirms population predictions made earlier this year. As you might have noticed, our species hasn't been making jobs like we've been making babies, which presents some issues. Don't worry, though: catastrophe's not necessarily inevitable. Not even in this global economic climate, with all the unemployment and stock market speculation on food and hunger. Somebody will get to fixing that stuff up ASAP. So just have some more high-fructose candy corn and relax.

[Globe and Mail/Image via AP]

Canadian Completes Round-The-World Walk

MONTREAL -- Fifty-six-year-old Canadian Jean Beliveau Sunday completed the round-the-world walk he started 11 years ago to draw attention to the cause of peace.

"The walk is finished," Beliveau said after crossing the Lachapelle bridge into Montreal where he was met by his wife Luce, a squadron of supporters and the media. "The adventure will be another decade with my family to promote the cause of peace for children."

Beliveau's journey officially ended when he reached Place Jacques Cartier.

Since beginning his walk in 2000 after closing his business amid what he called a mid-life crisis, Beliveau wore out 54 pairs of shoes as he traversed about 47,000 miles through more than 60 nations across six continents.

Senoir Finally Gets to Join University Soroity

It may have taken nearly three-quarters of a century, but 90-year-old Bertie McConnell has finally realized her dream of joining the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority at Washburn University.

The Topeka resident nearly became a member in 1941, having attended several Zeta rush parties, but then World War II happened.

McConnell left school shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor to help support the war effort by working at the Sunflower Ammunition Plant near Lawrence. After the war she married her naval aviator boyfriend and never got the chance to resume her studies.

“She told me her one regret in life was that she never became a Zeta,” McConnell’s daughter, Judith McConnell-Farmer, told the Topeka Capital-Journal.

As it happens, McConnell-Farmer is interim chairwoman of Washburn’s department of education, and after she shared her mother’s story with Washburn students, Zeta members reached out to the sorority’s national council, and secured a membership for the nonagenarian.

“I was just hoping the girls might send her a birthday card,” said McConnell-Farmer. “Now we’ll be searching Ripley’s (Believe It or Not) to see if there’s ever been a 90-year-old sorority pledge.”

[CJOnline/photo: LJWorld]

Canadian Claims World Squash Record

SIMCOE, Ontario -- A Canadian man has copped the record for the world's largest squash with one weighing in at 1,486.6 pounds, Guinness World Records has confirmed.

The Toronto Star reported Sunday the huge squash grown by Joel Jarvis of St. Thomas, Ontario, surpassed the previous record of 1,234 pounds. Jarvis, who broke the record Oct. 1 at the Port Elgin Pumpkinfest, said his achievement was "a long time coming."

"I'm 38 and I have been doing this since I was 11," he said. "Sometimes the wind blows the right way and the sun shines right."

Jarvis, who also grew a prize-winning, 1,426-pound pumpkin this year, estimates he will take in up to $10,000 in various prizes for his horticulture efforts.

[World Records]

Back To The Future’s DeLorean Auctioning For $600,000

Hollywood memorabilia shop Profiles in History is auctioning Marty McFly's time machine from Back to the Future III. “This particular car was used in the 1955 drive-in movie scene when Michael J. Fox drives it into the past and lands in 1885 to find Doc,” according to the auctioneer's description. “Of the seven DeLoreans, only three have survived since filming, and this is one of those three.” Proceeds from the auction will benefit the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.

[Source: latimesblogs.latimes.com]