Answers To All Of Life’s Little Mysteries

"What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?" Yahoo News asked today. Intrigued by this mysterious world without cats, I clicked the link and found myself at Life's Little Mysteries, a LiveScience sister site dedicated to answering search-engine optimized questions of childlike wonderment like "Why are there holes in 'Swiss' cheese?" and "Who Will Succeed Kim Jong-Il?" (Trick question. Can't be answered.)

To assist this incurably inquisitive website, I have compiled a list of its littlest and most mysterious questions, and answered them.

• Q: What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?
  A: "Let's not forget the emotional toll that a mass cat death would take on us humans," writes Natalie Wolchover.
• Q: Could the Internet Ever Be Destroyed?
  A: Only if you keep killing all those cats, Natalie.
• Q: What If You Ate Only One Type of Food?
  A: That depends. Is it cat food?
• Q: Will Eating Pet Food Kill Me?
  A: "There's no official record."
• Q: What Happens If You Eat Dog Food?
  A: "Probably nothing," unless the food is made of cats.
• Q: What If There Were No Gravity?
  A: All the cats would float.
• Q: Why Do Cats Bury Their Poop?
  A: That's not poop. Those are corpses.
• Q: Can Blind People See Anything?
  A: Just the ghosts of cat genocides past, haunting them.
• Q: Why Is Dryer Lint Gray?
  A: Wait, you're telling me Natalie Wolchover put a cat in the dryer?
• Q: If You Spot Bigfoot, Should You Shoot Him?
  A: What are you, some kind of animal-killing maniac?
• Q: Why Do I Think My Phone Is Vibrating When It's Not?
  A: It's your conscience calling, from Cat Hell.
• Q: Why Do Dogs Drool?
  A: "Biomechanics."
• Q: How Safe Are Your Shredded Documents?
  A: As safe as a shredded cat.
• Q: Koalas to Humans: 'We Are Not Bears'
  A: Koalas to Cats: 'I Will Kill You.' Cats to Koalas: 'Bring It. I Know Tae Kwon Do.'
• Q: What If Humans Were Twice as Intelligent?
  A: We would have foreseen the terrible consequences of the Great Cat Holocaust, and would not have killed all those cats.

[Image via Utekhina Anna/Shutterstock]

Runaway Goat Gives Cops The Run Around

A runaway goat was caught on tape giving officials in Melbourne the runaround.

It remained unclear where the stray nanny came from, but it was eventually caught and sent to the Lost Dogs’ Home animal shelter.

And, before you ask, yes: ITN was nice enough to add some Benny Hill-ish chase music to its report.

[MSN/YouTube]

American University Selling Morning After Pill In Vending Machine

Officials at Shippensburg University of Pennsylvania were asked to explain their decision to offer students access to the emergency contraception pill Plan B through a vending machine inside the school’s health center.

“We had some conversations with them and did a survey of the student body and we got an 85 percent response rate that the students supported Plan B in the House Center,” said Ship’s Vice president of Student Affairs, Dr. Roger Serr.

One dose of the so-called “morning-after pill,” which can legally be purchased over-the-counter by individuals 17 or older, will set students back $25. The university says it uses money made from sales to purchase more pills. Some 350 to 400 doses are sold each year.

“The vending machine is just a way to dispense it,” said Dr. Serr. “It’s provided, it’s not necessarily promoted on a large scale.”

[WTAE/Public Opinion Online]

Last Living WWI Veteran Dies at 110

Florence Green, the last surviving veteran of the First World War, has died at the age of 110. Green enlisted with the U.K.'s Women's Royal Air Force, or WRAF, in September 1918, just months before Germany signed an armistice with the allies. She spent her time in the WRAF as an Officer's Mess steward, serving pilots and other officers their meals at Narbough Airfield and the air base in Marham. Just seventeen when she signed up, Green went on to have three children, four grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. Her death follows the passing of Claude Choules, the last combat veteran of the Great War, in May of last year. Green was just two weeks shy of her 111th birthday. She was the sixth oldest person in the United Kingdom at the time of her death.

[Telegraph]

Walmart Canada Unveils $750M Plan To Take On Rivals

Walmart announced a $750-million expansion in Canada today that the chain says will create 14,000 new jobs across the country. The massive infusion of more mediocre-quality goods and abhorrent labour practices is clearly, umm, aimed at the arrival of Target, the U.S.' other affordable mediocre-quality goods retailer (now with reprehensible political ties!).

Target says it will open 24 stores across Ontario next year, which is less than a tenth of the 333 stores that Walmart operates in Canada. That works out to about one Walmart per 100,000 Canadians, which is pretty staggering, but well short of the U.S.' Walmart-to-human-ratio of about 1:73,000. That $750-million expansion will be spent across 73 projects, such as building new stores and upgrading older ones.

[Globe & Mail]

Iran to Ban "Simpsons" Figurines

Iran, a country that knows a thing or two about bans, has prohibited all toys based on The Simpsons from entering the country because of the show's Western values.

The policy chief for Iran's Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults told a local newspaper that the country doesn't want to promote the show, although he didn't elaborate much further. We suspect it might have something to do with this, even if that's from more than 15 years ago. (Coincidentally, that was around the last time The Simpsons was worth watching each and every Sunday night. Suddenly, we feel very, very old.)

The Simpsons also joins the Barbie dolls and any toys that have genitals on the list of products deemed unworthy of the great nation of Iran, but that's not the case for the uber-American franchises of Superman and Spider-Man. The institute says that because "they help oppressed people and they have a positive stance," they're more than welcome. There's no word yet on Batman, although seeing as how that series' authors once made The Joker the UN representative for Iran before trying to kill the general assembly, we imagine the caped crusader will join Milhouse and Barbie on the sidelines.

[ABC]

Video: Official "The Amazing Spider-Man" Trailer

Witness the first official trailer for the Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone-lead “The Amazing Spider-Man”, courtesy of the film’s official site. It’s nice to see a Peter Parker with a little more edge.



[The Amazing Spiderman]

Anfield Cat Becomes Internet Hit

A cat that ran onto the field during an English Premier League match has sparked a storm on social media, with the Twitter account @Anfieldcat amassing more than 15,000 followers.

The feline intruder struck in the 10th minute of Liverpool’s clash with Tottenham Hotspur, stopping play for more than a minute as it entered the field and appeared to play a game of cat and mouse with Spurs goalkeeper Brad Friedel.

While stewards eventually managed to corner the cat and remove it, a spoof account appeared within minutes on Twitter, ensuring its infamy.

"Enjoyed my quick run around on the hallowed anfield turf #anfieldcat #meow," read a first Tweet, that has since been followed by another 13 posts and re-tweeted around the globe.

"Fernando Torres reportedly jealous I got a bigger cheer than he has all season," read another, before the latest suggested the 'cat' was ready for a break.

"Think it's time for a cat nap, I ran my legs off tonight in true @Dirk_18_Kuyt fashion #anfieldcat #meow".

[AFP]

Deleted Facebook Photos May Be Forgotten But Not Entirely Deleted

Clicking delete on a Facebook photo may not actually remove it from the web, Ars Technica reports.

Although deleting photos removes them from your profile, the files stay on Facebook’s servers, and they can still be viewed using a direct URL. According to Ars, even photos deleted over three years ago are still accessible this way.

Facebook says that it’s still working on the issue, which is related to an old photo storage system that the company no longer uses.

“The systems we used for photo storage a few years ago did not always delete images from content delivery networks in a reasonable period of time even though they were immediately removed from the site,” said a Facebook spokesperson.

Facebook is now building a new system that will completely delete photos in 45 days instead of, apparently, never. Unfortunately, the process could still take months.

[Artstechnica]

M.I.A. May Pay For Flipping Off Super Bowl Audience

If the Federal Communications Commission ends up fining someone for M.I.A.’s birdie blunder, the British rapper will probably be the one writing the check.

Sources tell TMZ that the NFL had Madonna’s supporting act sign a contract that requires her to pony up the funds should she do something during the broadcast that would bring about a fine from the FCC.

It’s not surprising, since past performers have used the Super Bowl halftime show as an opportunity to garner as much media attention as possible.

Janet Jackson’s 2004 wardrobe malfunction earned CBS a $550,000 fine, but it was eventually thrown out by a federal appeals court.

[Rolling Stone/TMZ]

Hourglass-Shaped Model Claims She Has "Three Big Meals" a Day

Above: video of Spangenberg after the jump.

When someone says Ioana Spangenberg is shaped like an hourglass, they really mean it.

“I just have a small stomach,” says the Romanian model with a tiny 20-inch waist. “It’s a bit like a gastric band, if I eat too much I feel sick.”

Spangenberg first grew into her shape as a teenager, but she insists that she eats “three big meals” a day and snacks on fattening foods like chocolate and chips.

“I would still like to gain weight so I don’t look so shocking,” the 84-pound model told the Daily Mail. “And now that I live in Germany I can’t get enough pizza or kebabs.”

[DailyMail]

Video: The Hilarious Results Of Jimmy Kimmel's “I Unplugged The TV During The Super Bowl” Prank Challenge

Last week, Jimmy Kimmel issued a new prank challenge to his viewers: Unplug the TV at a crucial moment during Sunday's Super Bowl XLVI and film the reactions of loved ones and friends. On his show last night, Kimmel aired the results—they did not disappoint.



[Jimmy Kimmel]

Video: Baby Wants One Million Dollars

Bob is only 16 months old and already prioritizes like an immature adult.



[Joanne Casey]

Video: Corgi Artist

Zwierki is one talented Cardigan Welsh Corgi. Happy Tuesday, y'all.



[YouTube]